FAMILY BEEF
Vacuus Maximus was a skinny child in ancient Rome, his parents were poor. But as he grew up he was drawn to the Coliseum, by the noise of the crowd, the smell of excitement and the presence of the Emperor.
He made up his mind that he, too, would be a famous participant in the great arena. He asked a friend what he should do to become big and muscled, like the fighters he saw on their way to do battle for the amusement of Rome.
"You must eat plenty of red meat to get strong, and train hard by working in the fields," said his friend.
Young Vacuus was distraught. There was no money at home to buy meat, so the family lived on grain and vegetables, with the very occasional fish or egg.
But there was a cow. She provided milk for Vacuus and his many siblings, and was considered the most precious possession of the family.
Vacuus hatched a plan.
One night he rose when the family were all asleep and, taking a large knife, killed the cow, cut it up and immediately consumed a large chunk of raw steak. He then set about drying, smoking and curing the rest, which he hid in a secret place.
When his mother awoke and went to milk the cow she was horrified to find no more than strips of skin, bones and a pool of blood. Vacuus' father thrashed him unmercifully and banished him for ever from the family home.
So Vacuus left, but in the following months he ate the meat, devoted himself to gruelling physical work and exercise and eventually grew big and strong enough to present himself to the Emperor's lanista, who took him in and trained him to fight in arena.
Vacuus became a courageous and highly successful combattant, admired by the people of Rome and showered with gifts. Now famous and rich, he returned to the family home to settle his differences and offer them gifts and money.
But on his arrival, his now old and frail parents saw him coming and forbade him to enter the home. He was deeply saddened and despite many further attempts to atone for his youthful act, the family never forgave him for killing their prize cow.
But Vacuus knew he had fulfilled his childhood ambition and couldn't deny he was glad he ate her.
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