RIPPING YARN
A very pretty young lady was suffering from an acutely embarassing condition which, after consulting her GP, required an appointment with the proctologist.
Hoping to to find a female practitioner, she was therefore mortified to see that he was a middle-aged gentleman, whose name was Dr Nakamura.
"Good morning, ah.. young lady," said the Doctor, "and ah.. what seems to be ah.. problem?"
"Well Doctor, it's rather embarassing, you see, I don't really know how to, er.... I'm having trouble er...."
"Now, now my dear, I ah.. am doctor for ah.. 25 years, I've seen and ah.. heard it all. You ah.. can tell me."
"Well, you see Doctor, it's that... well, when I um.. pass wind, it makes a funny noise."
"Ah.. so. Noisy fart! Very common problem, I can cure. But what noise ah... specifically ah.. does it make?"
"Well, it sounds - oh dear... - rather like the name of a famous um..... Japanese car manufacturer," said the young lady, by now bright red and wringing her hands as she uttered the word 'Japanese'.
"Ah.. so! Very interesting. So it sounds like ah.. 'Toyotaaaaaaaa'?"
"No Doctor."
"Ah.. perhaps 'Nissaaaaaaaan?"
"No, not that one doctor."
"Ah.. so... don't tell me... 'Mazdaaaaaaaaaaaaa?"
"No, I'm afraid not Doctor."
"Ah.. unusual... Perhaps ah.. Suuuuuuuuuzuki?"
"No."
"Suuuuuuuuubaru?"
No Doctor."
"Isuzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"
No Doctor."
"Hmm....... Daihatsuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"
"No Doctor Nakamura, you see...," said the young lady, gritting her teeth and with tears starting to run down her cheek in anguish, ".. it begins with an 'H'"
"Ah so..! 'Hondaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'! It is 'Honda', yes?"
"Yes Doctor, 'Honda'."
A frown came over the procotologist's face, accompanied by a long sucking of teeth. "In that case, my dear, I'm ah... very sorry, afraid I cannot help you."
"Why not?", said the now terrified young lady, fearing her condition must be beyond hope.
"Because ah.., you need a dentist, not ah... a proctologist, my dear."
"A dentist? Whatever can a dentist do for my.... er.. flatulence problem?!," she shrieked in despair.
"Because ah... you evidently have an abcess on a tooth, my dear."
"But how can you tell, and what has that got to do with anything Doctor?"
"Surely you know, my dear? Everybody knows that ah... abcess makes the fart go 'Honda'.
(Submitted by N.H. Hess of Oxford)
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