HOT OFF THE PRESS
My wife and I were having a New Year's Eve drink with our neighbours and marvelling over their amazing talking bird.
They were passing round the nibbles and we were all listening to the bird screech "Cashews! - Cheesy Wotsits! - Salt & Vinegar!", when I suddenly caught a whiff of acrid smoke.
"Is something burning?", I asked our hostess, who immediately got up and went into the kitchen. "The sausage rolls have caught fire!", she screamed, pulling a dish from the oven and dropping it on the floor.
Within seconds the flames had set fire to the curtains and suddenly the whole room seemed to be alight.
"The house is on fire! The house is on fire! Call the fire brigade! Call the fire brigade!", screamed the bird.
Our host ran to the 'phone for the fire brigade as smoke filled the rooms and we all tried to douse the flames with water or any available piece of cloth, but to no avail. When the firemen arrived the house was a blazing inferno and we were trapped in the living room. Finally, the firemen got us all out, coughing and spluttering, and even managed to save the talking bird, who had a few singed feathers but was otherwise fine.
The next day the local paper carried the following headline: "House burns down in Oakfield Road. Occupants escape with mynah burns."
(Submitted by Cherie Tryful of Wimbledon)
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